Dear Lord,

I know I haven’t talked to you in a while. We don’t have to go to church at Camp Q, you know. This is hardly the appropriate occasion for reuniting with you but I don’t know who else to turn to. I am sinning right now, big time. You probably already knew that. I didn’t want to, I swear. Not today at least, not right now. I just found out that mom is dead. I tried turning to Humbert but he doesn’t care anymore, he just wants me to do these things . . . So many bad things. That’s why I come to you.

I know I don’t deserve your help, your pity, or even you attention. I have been a bad girl for too long. But I ask you to help me find a way out, please. I will be the best after that, I swear! I will make you so proud! I can even become a nun if you want! Though I don’t know if I’m fit for that.

I never thought Hum would do something like this to me. I thought he really liked me, like for real, you know. When he moved into the house I thought we had this great friendship and connection. He liked spending time with me, unlike my mom, and I didn’t feel so lonely anymore, you know. He reminded me of my dad and I wouldn’t have minded having a dad again. It was kind of obvious that he liked touching me and watching me sometimes but I didn’t mind it that much because I liked him as a dad, you know. It was silly to ask for a kiss and everything but it was just a game . . . I guess I’m not a little girl anymore, so I need to pay attention to the games I play. Sometimes I wish I was a boy, you know. I wouldn’t have to mind these kinds of things, like keeping my legs shut or minding my skirt in the wind or washing my hair and smelling like I’m pretty . . .

But there is something else I want to ask you. This is actually more important than you helping me, so please prioritize it. You know, in case I can only ask for one thing, this is it. I have been a terrible terrible daughter, my god! (Sorry, I didn’t mean to use your name in vain, it’s just, you know) I want to take back everything I have ever told you about mom. I was just angry and bored and whatever. She is actually a great person! She was, I guess . . . The best I have ever met!  She was a great mom to me and I just . . . I just let her down and made her miserable time after time . . . Please, be kind to her. Let her be in heaven with you! Please, she deserves it, she never did anything wrong, I swear! She loves you so much, you know. And if I can get a second wish then please tell her I am sorry about my behavior and that I love her with all my heart.

You know, when I was at camp it was all a game, all this sex stuff. It didn’t feel wrong. But when I did it with Humbert it felt so wrong and so dirty and . . . Besides, it was unspeakable of me to have betrayed mom like that. But you know, he never liked her, he has always liked me, I know that for a fact. But he was her husband after all. And also, with Charlie we did it like, once every two days or so, but with Hum it’s all the time, every day, like, even in the car! I don’t like this anymore, I never really have. I just wanted Barbara to think I was cool and I was just a bit curious, that’s all. But I guess this is the price I have to pay for being bad, right? Well, I learned my lesson! Now, please make it stop!

I am such a terrible person! I don’t deserve to be listened to by you . . . But you are great, you listen and you forgive. So please forgive me at this time because I repent for all my sins, I seriously do. How stupid have I been! I am not even asking to go to heaven or anything. I just want you to grant these three wishes. It’s the last thing I will ever ask from you, I promise!

Through Jesus Christ our Lord and Savior
Amen!

Julia Anquier’s “The Best Adaptation Never Made” won first prize in the Third Annual School of Visual Arts Writing Program Contest. Julia was born in Paris. In 2011 she received her Baccalauréat (Serie L), with Mention Très Bein in Brazil, before transferring to the School of Visual Arts in New York to pursue her BFA in Film. Julia has written and directed a number of short films and documentaries while working for Studio 65 in New York City as a member of their Film Research Department. Prior to working for Studio 65, Julia spent time with Flint Productions in London as a Production Assistant and Assistant Editor. Most recently, Julia worked as the assistant casting director for the Stephen Daldry film, Trash, where she was eventually promoted to Assistant Director Trainee.