Hi. I’m Anchovy.
No wait, please, don’t go. I swear that’s my name.
Look, sit down… could I get you anything? 
Tea? Gin? Weed? Wait, I don’t have weed.
Fuck, I’m fucking up, let me try this again.
I’m Anchovy.
And I have… 
a hard time 			connecting 			with people. 
Well, my name’s Anchovy, 
what did you expect?
It feels like, there’s this 
film. 
It’s all around me, this thin membrane. 
I have to, like, reach out through it 
it feels like i’m always the one reaching out
To, like, CONNECT to people.

Maybe it started when my dad left. 
Whoa bebe now there’s a cliche (sorry about that)
Maybe it’s cuz my mom always says I don’t care about her.
Maybe it’s because my step brother-
		Nope. 
		Not
		Gonna
		Go
		There.
ANYWAY I used to reach out
a lot 
But now it’s like I’m numb 
or something.
I fell in love too much, had too many friends ditch me
fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you 
I don’t really feel like I’m here 
ya know?

BUTT 
Some things bring me back  
Some people.
And when I hold them, or kiss them, or fuck them, or even just talk to them
I feel…
Less…
Bad? Distant? Fake? 		Alone.
I feel less alone.

So I paint these people,
These moments of connection
Cement them in oil, document my own history
My own art history
My own anthology
So I can remember what it feels like
To not be alone.

I’m weird.
Sorry
Not sorry
Still sorry
I like WEIRD things, okay?
fuck yea suck on my toes cunt i know you like it
FUCK YOU’RE GONNA BE ALONE YOU STUPID FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT NO ONE 
LIKES YOU YOU MOTHER FU-

These are weird paintings, okay? 
These are the things I see in my head
How I interpret the moments 

Look,
I know how to get you to like me
I know how to paint pretty for you

But when you look
Passed
The nice technique 
And see how
				weird
These paintings are


Will you stick around?
S. Von Puttkammer's critical essay “Review of The Good Girl" won third prize in the Sixth Annual School of Visual Arts Writing Program Contest. Her essay "The Relevance of Barthes in Modern Romance" was published in the Spring 2017 issue of The Match Factory.Von Puttkammer is a senior in the Fine Arts undergraduate program. Her work mainly focuses on romance or art history, and when she is not conceptualizing new work she likes to sit alone in her room and stare at her walls (which for some reason she thought was a good idea to paint black). She also believes in aliens and can occasionally be seen strutting around campus sporting a fake beard made from eyeshadow.